He’s Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack…………And this time, with a Mac!

I’ve largely neglected my blog in the last several months. In fact, I haven’t posted since March, 2011!

I’ve decided to get back into the swing of things w/ my blog – all three of you who read this thing deserve nothing less… 

So here’s 9 months of missed life updates in 9 bullet points (in no particular order):

1. Still working as a geek, though now, I have the title of “Platform Manager” tacked onto the existing title – (I had hoped Miraculum Laborat would be a nice compromise from my suggested “Tech God”, but I was given some nonsensical argument about how others might feel compelled to bow in my presence – phooey is you ask me, and yes, I just used “phooey” in a sentence)
2. I got out onto my kayak no less than 15 times! Even rigged the boat into a pretty decent fishing platform, complete w/ the obligatory milk crate and bungee cords…
3. My kids still ROCK – Those who are Facebook friends already know how I gush over them – They both have a firm command over the word “NO” it seems, but fortunately for them – and me – I adore them, so it’s all good.
4. My wife still ROCKS – I mean, she puts up with me after all, right?
5. We went to Cape Cod for vacation, loved it! The kids learned the lyrics to “Knee Deep In The Water”, we splashed in waves, and had fun w/ the cousins from Texas!
6. What’s on tap for Kimball Vaca 2012? The decision has been made, and it’s a GO for DISNEY!!!! Hopefully, with friends!
7. I have officially extended the “Daddy/Daughter Date” concept to now include a “Dude Day” for just the Kimball boys, we even rode on a fire truck together recently!!
8. I decided to drop my PC and go w/ a Mac…………………….yeah, you read that correctly……..

 

So I hear once you go Mac, you never go back. We shall see…….

Oh, and I promise to get better about the updates on a more regular basis

 

That’s it, I’m changing doctors!

I don’t care if this is one of the most recirculated emails/Facebook updates around, I WILL find this doctor, and make him my primary care…

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. Ice Cream even better – everything Cow eats in one package!

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain. All people who don’t drink unhappy – happy people live longer so drink more. Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. More people killed running on street than lying on couch. My philosophy is: No pain…good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  What about food additives?
A: You want to complain about something for free? If it added – must be better – like fuel additive!
Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  ’Round’ a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!”

AND…..

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Hey, at least he got the “3D” part right…

So I’m not entirely sure if I should be laughing about this, given how my own 5 year old is not yet able to stay in her room the whole night during a bad storm…

With that said, an audience in Revere, MA – intent on enjoying the family-friendly Megamind 3D with their wee ones, instead got to watch the opening scene from Saw 3D.

Early reports state the guy in the projection booth a) clearly has no kids for which he’ll have to pay therapy bills for, and b) mixed up the reels…

Am I the only one to find the humor in this?